mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
