I am spending my child support on dildos
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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