brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize