A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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