Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
