Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize