Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
