Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
