your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
