I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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