I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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