i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if only i could text you this smell
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
