Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
