R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
