textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
