you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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