You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
