wakey wakey hands off snakey
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
