singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
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