ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
