Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He felt like a one man threesome
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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