Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
