bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
NoShamevember. You game?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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