I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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