Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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