I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
