she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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