Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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