Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
