I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
