we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
