Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
