I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize