im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
