woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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