So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
God, I missed his penis.
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