Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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