Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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