I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
