seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
