I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
