soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
