what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
