She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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