He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
