just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Can Purell be used as lube?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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