By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize