My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
my liver is dry heaving
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
