Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
