Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
