the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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