got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
