You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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