all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
