Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
