Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
