id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
