the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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