those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
