Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
