So drunk its hurt
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love having hate sex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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