ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize