I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
