ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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