and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
