I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
