Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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