so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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