If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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