I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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