Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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