bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
