and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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