i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
