Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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