why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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