Apparently you make a good broom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
