how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize