im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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