Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
