How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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