I wannas sexs uuuuu
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
