I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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