just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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