The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
