and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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