Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
