Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
