Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
