I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize