but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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