Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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