Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
