come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
