I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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