I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize