in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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