my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
