***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize