the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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