Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
