I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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