either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
