He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
